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Traci--The Sex They Slipped Into Your Coffee...
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| Hide and Seek |
[Nov. 15th, 2005|01:21 am] |
So I haven't updated in like a year. Probably because everything in my life is going really well right now. Usually when everything is going really well I can always manage to find something to be unhappy about. ALWAYS. I've finally figured out how to accept me for myself. Most of the time.
I love being a journalism major. I love to write. Probably why I still have a livejournal and I'm a junior in college. (heck yes I'm a junior already!) I have A's in all my classes. And I don't know how I do it, and I stress my self out constantly, but I always end up doing really well. I got a job writing for a local Gainesville magazine (INsite! u should buy it!) and I'm so excited to get experience. I want to move to the city and be an Express, Starbucks, Cosmo, pointy heels type with really good highlights and a cell phone attached 24/7. I want to live in a loft. I want to have an advice column in a really good magazine someday.
I love my job right now. I work at the Gainesville Aston Gardens. There are actually old people here! I love them. I get paid really well and I've made really good friends. I feel like I know so many more people this year and every time I go out I see someone new. UF is a million times better this year. Gainesville seems so much smaller. I've only left one weekend to go home. I'm happy that I'm happy here, but I do miss my best friends still. I want to make more road trips. Those are the best.
I love living with Tessa. We get along really well. I think we're a lot alike. And at the same time not alike. We do everything together and it's like we're family. Our house is awesome and the neighbors are fun. =)
Boys are boys. I'm really over the whole hooking up thing. I can see when you are single and want to just randomly have fun, but its not so fun after awhile. I still haven't met any really good guy friends up here. And how do u know if someone should just be a good guy friend, or more? And how do you have a serious boyfriend in college when there's so many boys?? I really want that. I'm ready for a boyfriend again, I think. Well I at least know what I don't want. I don't want anymore assholes who want to use you. I had enough of that this summer thank you very much.
I've come to the realization that I'm a sloppy drunk. It's never going to change. I don't like to have one or two drinks and mellow out. I like to get shit faced and be loud and get sick. But it's ok. It's not a life-long thing. It's a weekend (and sometimes Thursday) thing. And I'm in college. And when it effects me negatively I learn from it and remember it as "that one night i really regret" or "that one night i really don't remember." And my real friends have accepted it and expect it. And they laugh at me when I make an ass out of myself and tell the 7-11 lady Jude Law makes me orgasm. Or they laugh at me the next day when I can't move and can only watch lifetime and drink gallons of water. Or they try and remind me who I made out with or called wasted. But it's me.
I miss my family a lot. I've become a lot more distant with them this year because I don't need them as much. I'm going to be 20 in a month. You get married in your 20's. You have kids in you 20's. I've realized I'm never living with my parents and sister again, and whatever I want to do, I can. It's kind of scary knowing that I will never live with them again.
Sorry for this randomly long post. This is more for me than for anyone to read, no one even reads these anymore. But I'm happy. And I'm over the fact that I'm not going to be a size 2. I'm over the fact that me and Alex may never be able to have a normal friendship again. I'm over the fact that Naples isn't my home anymore. I don't have any money but I've learned to deal with it. I think I've learned how to be a better person a little bit. Just a little.
That's it. I'm done. For another couple months. Hope everythings good with you! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 18th, 2005|07:39 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | Crossfade | ] |
I hate fun weekends. They are such a break from reality. They make you forget all the bullshit and have fun for 48 hours.
This is why I hate Sundays. Sundays are almost worse then Mondays because you get to dread the whole week ahead of you and think of everything you need to get done.
Jenna and Kristin came up this weekend and it reminded me of all the crazy shit that happened this summer. Back when I didn't have to be anywhere except work and I did whatever I wanted without caring. I never thought I could make such good friends in such a short time, but I did.
I haven't missed home in awhile but after this past week I do. I miss my sister and my dad. I miss our family. I miss beautiful Naples.
I can't concentrate on anything. Everything is getting so stressful and I used to care and pull through when shit happened but this time I feel like it's not even worth it. Especially with classes. I don't want to go to college anymore. I don't like my major, but I can't switch now, or think of anything better.
I have so many people to talk to, and I know it. But I still feel like I'm alone. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 15th, 2005|04:52 pm] |
That's it. I officially suck at life.
I can't save money. I can't understand school. I can't pick the rite guys. I can't make good decisions.
Fuck me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 8th, 2005|02:58 pm] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | Graham Colton Band | ] |
I got a kitten! Her name is Kaci.
and it's realllly weird because I've always hated cats.
and I can barely take care of myself.
But she's really cute!
=) |
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| There's Gotta Be Something More... |
[Aug. 25th, 2005|04:00 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  weird | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | Sister Hazel | ] |
I've changed every class I was registered for. I have NO CLUE what I want to do. What I want to be. I just want to be happy. I want to have money. I want to have a job I like with people I like.
I feel like there's so many people here this year. Everywhere I go I run into to someone from Naples. It's weird.
I've been applying for jobs because I'm poor. I'm not sure if I want to work though.
Nothing else is new really. Coming back from summer, everything changed in literally a day. My lazy routine of working and drinking ended abruptly. Now I have to be responsible and get shit done. It makes me wonder why I even go to school. I had a fun summer making money, and here all I do is spend it. But then I guess I'd be making a server salary my whole life.
I talked to Alex for awhile last nite. He's changed so much. Or maybe I have. Or maybe both of us. It was a weird/good conversation. |
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| Leaving On a Jet Plane. |
[Aug. 14th, 2005|07:07 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| | weird | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | Coldplay | ] |
Tomorrow I leave for my sophomore year of college. And I STILL have an lj. And I don't mind it at all. I was reading my senior year entries and laughed at myself about 100 times.
Things change so much. What I was worried about then, like prom table arrangements, is nothing like what I'm worried about now, like what I'm going to do with my life or moving into an apartment.
I am absolutely SO excited about going back. This year is going to kick ass.
This summer was so lame and so fun at the same time.
I didn't do anything productive. My parents moved AGAIN to Marco Island, so I will no longer be coming "home" to Naples. I spent the whole summer at work, or with people from work. Sometimes it was fun. Sometimes it really wasn't. Sometimes I really regret what I did. Sometimes I didn't. Some things will just be a memory of that one time. I wish I saw Gina, Jamie and CeCe more. I wish I saw people that I never get to see like Brittany, Erin and my sister. I wish I went on a road trip or spent more time with my parents. I wish Harley didn't die. I wish the summer wouldn't end sometimes because I could keep doing whatever I wanted and not being responsible for myself. Sometimes I wish the summer ended sooner.
I am sooooo completely lost right now, but in a good way. I know exactly who I am for like the first time ever. I just don't think everyone else likes who I am all the time.
A- I wish I called you back so I wouldn't feel so guilty about leaving with things "unresolved" and weird. I wish I could call and talk to you like we used to, and be good friends. I wish you felt comfortable calling me. I guess that could never happen tho.
B- Funniest nite of my life EVER. Something to laugh about now.
J- I never even saw you. And for the first time it didn't bother me. But I'd still want to. And I'd probly want to 10 years from now.
P- Exactly what I needed and didn't need all at the same time. It was fun.
Back to UF!!! |
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| My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me. |
[Aug. 6th, 2005|03:03 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | Dashboard | ] |
Courtney left yesterday. We're all leaving again to go back. I feel like I just got home. This was the weirdest summer of my life. Weirder then last summer at UF. So much weird shit happened. Italy was amazing. In some ways I wish I was still there and I didn't own a cell phone and I just did whatever whenever. I don't have an incredibly strong friendship with anyone anymore. I still have really good friends, but I feel completely out of touch in Naples. I leave a week from today so I can rush. I never thought I was the "sorority type" and maybe I'm not. We'll see. I'm excited to try something new and actually be nice to people and meet some best friends like mine from highschool. I'm excited to leave Aston Gardens for the last time. I will never be going back there, especially after this summer. It was fun though.
So let's count the number of beach days I had- 5?
How about this crazy workout plan I created? that failed.
Saving money? I actually owe my mom more than when I got home because I spent so much in Europe. But whatever. It was all worth it.
I wouldn't do anything different. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 29th, 2005|07:37 pm] |
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Every day runs into every nite. I wake up hungover and feeling gross and go to work. On break I come home for a shower/nap and go back to work. After work I am finally starting to feel good again and the drinking begins. I need to start running again. And eating green foods. And not blaming it on the fact that "it's summer!" because it's been summer for months and I haven't saved any money or improved anything in my life. It's fun though. It's fun to do whatever and not care about things, but I can feel it's going to catch up to me soon. If it already hasn't. I feel like such a bitch rite now. |
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| Let the rain come down!! |
[Jul. 23rd, 2005|02:41 pm] |
Sex on the Beach/Laguna Beach party at my house!!
Monday, June 25- show starts at 10, drinking starts whenever!! =)
Dress cute! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2005|06:05 pm] |
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This summer is just plain Crazy! |
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| I'm tired of breathing. |
[Jul. 7th, 2005|08:52 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | SoCo | ] |
Life- sometimes I hate you!
I am getting really sick of working everyday. Everyday is the same. Work, eat, work, work out, sleep. No fun parties or friends.
So I have nowhere to live until October because my gay house won't be built until then. Looks like I'll be at the Holiday Inn for awhile. Hotel partiesss! This is a major inconvenience for me, but what am I supposed to tell my roommate? Oh, btw, yea we don't have anywhere for you to live either until October. So I have to move to Gainesville in August and move again in October. Fuckkkkk.
I really want some gelato rite about now. And a sexy italian man. Or American man in Italy. I want to never have to go to school again and just have fun all the time. I never want to get a job or work anymore, unless I get bored and want to. I want to be a size 2 and have lots of money. And never have to get my eyebrows waxed again. Because that hurts like a bitch. I also want to have sexual relations with Brad Pitt.
the world hates me today. So let's send a hurricane! it'll make it so much better so on my one day off it can rain! woooohoo! |
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| It's me and the moon she says, and I got no trouble with that. |
[Jul. 2nd, 2005|07:59 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| | weird | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | Mariah ew | ] |
I really want to go back to school. Now that Italy is over there's nothing to look forward to. Italy was such a good break from this routine of working and the beach. I wish I could say that this summer has been amazing and so much fun but it hasn't. I'm not as close with my friends from highschool so when we all hang out it's not like it used to be. We all did different things this last year and it's hard to come back and be best friends or be happy doing the things we used to do.
So many weird things with guys have happened in the last month. I usually don't have options. This is all new to me. I have realized so many things about guys in the last 2 months. Well I guess since I went to college. Guys either want a girlfriend and a relationship or meaningless hook ups. Mostly hook ups. And the sluts are the girls who get drunk and hook up and the teases are the girls who get drunk and don't hook up. The prudes are the girls who don't get drunk or hook up.
I'm just thinking about so many things rite now and I'm really confused. I don't know what I want.
I feel like I am alone all the time. I know I'm not and I'm just being weird, but my senior year I was so sure of who I was. I was Alex's girlfriend and best friends with Courtney, Gina, Jamie. We always hung out and partied with CeCe and Steve and I felt like we knew each other so well and for awhile it was amazing. Why does shit have to change? Why do friendships with people change if both people are the same?
I have worked on the drunk thing a lot lately. I am doing very well. I can't remember the last time I didn't remember a nite. I remember everything and I know when to stop now. Which is probly a very good thing. I also haven't puked in a very long time. GO me!
I'm going to stop talking now. Everytime I do this writing what's on my mind people think I'm crazy.
I'm so glad I get to see Britt and CeCe tonite. I misssss u guys! |
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| In the morning I'm leaving making my way back to Cleveland. |
[Jun. 12th, 2005|09:01 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | Coldplay | ] |
My dog has cancer and he's going to die when I'm in Italy. My dad has to put him to sleep and he's only 5 years old. The dog is like another kid in my family and this is such a sad thing. He can't breathe and every day I come home I'm afraid he may not be alive. I'm always thinking about it- I can't not think about it. I love him so much and you may think I'm being ridiculous because it's just a dog, but it's Harley.
Last nite was an awful nite. I never want last nite to happen again. Lost phone, alcohol and assholes. Sorry Courtney, Jamie, Gina, Anna and Austen.
I am so ready to get the hell out of this country. |
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| Crazy how you make it all alright |
[Jun. 7th, 2005|10:03 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | DMB | ] |
So yay for some Naples excitement! The last few days have been completely random and fun and I am super excited because it's only going to get better (Italy in 8 days people!)
Finally some beach! My eyelids got burnt...weird.
New Coldplay cd today wooohoo
Hung out with Ash today--- Marshalls/TJ Maxx!
I've decided that age is definately just a number. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 2nd, 2005|03:15 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  satisfied | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | Wait til you see my uhhhhh | ] |
AJA : prounced like the continent; pronounced like the spanish word for sister; prounced like aha!; pronounced however the fuck u want to call it
-latin rap
-molestation
-shots in the car before
-drinks in the bathroom
-hopes of reaching intoxication to make it fun: Mission failed
-Chris Sweat: not to be confused with the sheer amount of SWEAT
-Diego mi amor y hermano: saved las chicas from los feos
-Susie's multiple stalkers
Can't wait til next Wednesday guys!
It was actually fun ;) |
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| Sitting, Waiting, Wishing.... |
[May. 29th, 2005|03:42 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  nauseated | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | Jack Johnson | ] |
I know no one believes me and this is going to sound crazy but I, Traci Elizabeth Coates, am going to learn my alcohol limits. You'd think by now I would know when "too much" is. Nope.
I am also going to try very hard to be the DD. I never volunteer myself, but this could help with the learning of the limits because I would have to drive my ass home. Or my friends. And this could be good for me. Really.
Last nite was good, at least the 10 minutes of King's Cup that I remember.
Sober is sexyyyy. |
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| I just wanna Use your love tonite. |
[May. 22nd, 2005|10:56 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  groggy | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | 80's | ] |
Um yea so I think I gained 20 pounds this weekend from graduation food aka Renata's chocolate fountain. Well worth it, however. Anyone can ask Jade how it was because she was camped out for a good 20 min. dipping everything edible into it. =)
I have noticed how LAME my life has become. Me and Gina and Anna started this new game tonite where we bitch about life and how we don't have one. We go to graduation parties and hang out with the juniors (who by the way are STILL juniors!)
Which brings me to the point at hand: there's nothing to do here. It never bothered me when I lived here, but after moving away you realize how it is nearly impossible to meet new people and "go out." It's not even like I'm looking for a party every nite, or jump at the scent of alcohol, I'm just trying to avoid pure boredom and when there's nothing to do you turn to drinking. I love hanging out with old friends, I love my friends, but after going away for a year, we all have different things we like to do. We all have different friends. We all have different inside jokes and stories from "that one nite" that none of us know about. (except me and Gina because I saw her more when I was at college) It is unavoidable. Some of us prefer to stay in while others prefer to drive around with a handle of gin in our glove compartment (no names!). 5th Ave. is fun for a whole 5th of a second. I really don't feel like going to Pelican Larry's or anything like that because I'd probly run into my parents. I am just whining because I like to. And I am a empty glass type of gal.
Tonite was fun. Anna, Gina and I watched the season finales of Extreme Home Makeover, Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy. I'm not being sarcastic at all! It was a very good nite.
Oh and btw I am over work. It was fun at first, but I'm definately over it. I'd rather sit at home bored than serve smelly old people baked tilapia and tapioca pudding.
We need to plan some parties. Dress up parties. With tasty drinks! |
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| Green Eyes. I always wanted fucking green eyes. |
[May. 18th, 2005|12:17 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | Coldplay | ] |
So there hasn't been a good long Traci emo post in awhile.
Nothing emo has been happening. My life has been really good lately. It's so good it's scary. It gets a little boring from time to time, but I always manage to spice it up and do random things.
I love how much fun working out can be. I never thought I would hear myself say that, but a good run can make my day. And I used to hate the sweaty, sandy beach and now I could go there and lay with my ipod and beach chair all day long.
I love my job. I don't do anything. I hang out with really cool people who invite me to really fun parties with really cute boys.
I love clothes. I am addicted to clothes. Like, I could spend a whole damn day in Urban Outfitters. Just trying on things I can't afford because my mom took away my credit card. I love cute clothes. I love being able to wear my old sizes again and even if I can't buy it, try it. I don't care how shallow it sounds either. Shopping makes me ecstatic. Especially shopping in Italy. Which is why I need to make $1000 dollars in 4 weeks. And the only way to come up with money like that is probably not very legal. Oh well.
Boys are eh. I guess there's a few options right now but I really want to have a summer fling with someone I'm really attracted to and I can be like "that's him". It's so hard to do that here because everyone already knows each other. Possibility of meeting a really hot guy who's nice and funny and wants to date for 3 months and leave is clearly impossible. But we'll see.
I don't think there's antying else to discuss right now. I'm still waiting to run into you. And by you I don't mean who you're probly thinking.
Life is beautiful. |
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